Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Episode 11: Dear le Poulet

Dear le Poulet,

I miss you so much it hurts. But I don't know if it's really you I miss or if it's the idea of you.
Is it the person with whom I felt comfortable, with whom we would laugh together at life, and under whose armpit I wanted to spend the rest of my life (litterally, you have the most comfortable arm pit in the world). Or is it that any old arm pit will do and I miss the fact of being close to someone.
After all, despite you saying we were perfect for each other, despite the fact we would never have become one of those couples who stare at each other in restaurants having nothing to say to each other, I am not sure we were that well together. We never talked about stuff. You wanted to keep your freedom, I wanted a little piece just for myself. You were shying away from responsability, I wanted a mature relationship. You dismissed any worry with "it will be ok", I wanted to have a bit more support. Neither of us really fully opened up to the other even in three years' time. Thinking back, I still don't know what really worries you in life, as you always kept a facade of showing you are carefree. As for me, the rare times I did open up, I don't think we pursued the discussions as much as we could have, because we are both too bad at facing that sort of thing.
You have hurt my feelings quite a lot, and I will need time to forgive you, but on the other hand maybe you did us both a favour by implicitely making us both realise we were going nowhere. Maybe in a few months, years (decennies??) I will be glad I had the strengh to walk away.

Now, my biggest worry is that I left my favorite designer handbag at your place and I wonder how the heck am I going to get it back?? :-)

Or rather more seriously, I wonder when we will both accept a Closure and find the strength to move on.

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