Sunday, 11 November 2007

Episode 46: Rebellion Against the Establishment

All my life, I have done things properly, according to the rules, like a good girl. I went to a good school, got good grades, got into a good university, passed the good exams, got a good job, got the good friends, got the good life.

However, there has been an underlying mischievous streak but which has been kept mostly under wraps. Of course as a teenager I did my bit of trying friends' cigarettes, getting drunk, lying to the parents on my whereabouts etc etc, but on a very normal level (thank God, I can't imagine how boring my life would have been had I not broken a few rules). But overall, I always wanted to be Mainstream, not draw attention or problems on myself. Part of this comes from the fact my mother is totally the opposite. She is a fiery inconventional type. She is not afraid of raising a fuss, drawing trouble, if she believes what she does is right. When I was a teenager, I sometimes felt like the mother ("you are not going to wear THAT are you?") whereas she would be more like the kid ("come on stop revising and come to the cinema with me, you take this stressing about exams too seriously").

My childhood was a bit chaotic and I think my mother went through a lot of cr@p, so my instinct to avoid trouble was in part coming from the fact I did want to become one more problem for her. If at least I did everything perfectly and did not create problems she would not have to worry about me. It served me well in the end as I am glad for where I have got in life so far thanks to sound education and career choices, but sometimes I get these fits of rebellion. Now that I am a grown (im)mature woman, my family is no longer responsible for me and maybe it's time for me to do things a bit less conventionally, break a few rules (reasonable of course, after all I am still me), go a bit mad. Maybe I can now take it a little bit further. So what if I don't get 8 or even 5 hours of sleep before a work day? So what if I decide to invite 75 people for my house warming party in my too tiny apartment and make a lot of noise? So what if I decide to flirt with 4 men at the same time? So what if I dare to dress like a woman for once and ditch the jeans? So what if I people realise I exist and actually get an opinion, even negative (!) of me?

After spending a lot of time as a passenger in the car of life driven by family or boyfriends, it's time for me to put on the sunglasses, put some music on full blast and ride that pink cabriolet. And sing very very loud to the music.


hkocoon said...

Go Evie, go!

Evie said...

La route est tres bonne :-)