Ok so actually, the Fun Fearless Female is *about to* emerge, at the moment I am still a Boring Panicky Female (hey I got the Female bit already, 2 to go!!).
This week end was Self Pity Week End, where I did not manage to forget my Ex (let's call him the Chicken). I spent way too much time alone and the feeling of missing him like I would die any minute just all came flooding back (damn you delusion, I thought we agreed you would keep these feelings for a while).
Anyway, then I did something that made me snap out of it. I went to the movies, to watch the silliest Rom-Com which shall remain unnamed for the moment. The film itself actually made me feel worse, and afterwards I started to walk home along the river bank where for some reason this afternoon was Sunday Afternoon Couple-Fest, basically I think I am the only person NOT in a couple who was there, I guess all the other singles were filtered out somewhere more upstream. So this made me feel really sorry for myself. But then, I actually looked at all those people. And I thought to myself: hang on a minute, why do I wish I was one of them? What am I after, is it just walking along this river bank holding hands with any Joe Bloggs just so I feel in a couple again and normal? Have I not done that enough of my life and did I not learn it's not just about not being alone and is it not time to ask myself what exactly I am after and what makes me happy? I have been in relationships too many years of my young life and I should actually be grateful for being in a situation where I can embrace life, singledom, the discovery of Asia, and most importantly of all think about who am I exactly and what I want out of life.
Hence enter the Fun Fearless Female.
And looking closely, those couples all looked REALLY bored, at least I get to have a little bit more fun, hohoho.