Yes. I have decided to start a new relationship. With my ass.
This sentence sounded much less weird in my head a couple of hours earlier, so let me explain. The Ass and I have always had a very complicated rapport. We have a lot of bagage, like kilos of it. Ok not like 15 kilos but let's just say that when I was going out, I wanted to leave it home. But it would not stay, it would always follow me around and be a genuine pain in the derriere all the time.
Then I read "He's just not that into you" (no SNIGGERING people!! ) and I realised the problem was me, not my Ass. It was that I just was not that into it.
So now I have decided to start a brilliant healthy new relationship with it. I am going to love it, pamper it, make it feel good, and I suspect if I learn to love it enough, it will love me back and make efforts to look good for me. And do me proud (especially when it is time for the Ass and I to See Other People, as in together we would hook up with a guy along with his ass, hmmm, ok let's not get visually carried away here).
So here goes the love potion prescription for our new found bliss:
- 1 body scrub at least once every two days to help the Ass get new and shiny, like a baby's bottom
- A good doze of sport. A lot of it. (For me, this means at least 3 times a week). I shall run like the wind*. Some nice little squats will also be nice to shake it baby.
- A full stop to eating cr@p. Good bye the 3 o'clock KitKat (even the dark chocolate variety which drives me mad with desire when I think about it).
A and I will keep you posted how things are going between us. So far so good, I have kept to my promises today by only eating healthy food, having been on a run, and being about to jump into the bath. Time to get scrubbing!!
* I may need to wait till I fix my Oasics running shoes before firmly committing to this one, they have started to get too up close and personal with my left foot, which gets covered in a blister if I run now.