Wednesday, 14 January 2009

EMAP: Or how to get out of bed in this cold winter weather

You know that feeling when you get woken up by this annoying repetitive sound, which after a few minutes you identify as your alarm clock? You know when you open one eye to glare at the aforementioned alarm clock and realise with horror that it's about the 7th time you have hit the snooze button and you are nearly one hour late? And all this while feeling on the tip of your nose (the only part of you peeking out of the covers) a glacial cold, which you know is going to bring your body into hypothermic shock?


Yes, I used to be a victim of the same tragedy. Until I tried Evie's Morning Action Plan (EMAP). Here is how it goes:


- Step 1: When the alarm rings for the first time, you are allowed to give into the old habit of quickly extending an arm and hitting the snooze button, but ONLY FOR ONE SNOOZE (because I am not a sadist and the right to one snooze should be an Officially Recognised Human Right).
- Step 2: When the alarm rings again, you turn if off, and do not let the head hit he pillow. I repeat, do not let the head hit the pillow. Copy that.
- Step 3: Then you do the Happy Exercise - Clap your hands together enthusiastically, and try to find one detail from the day that you are looking forward to. It can be something small. But no matter how small it is, you need to get incredibly over excited by it and say it out loud. For example, this morning I shouted: "YESSSSS!!! Today I am wearing my BOOTS!! WUHHHUUUHHH". And I over exaggerated this feeling of happiness until I firmly believed it was the most wonderful thing in the world.
- Step 4: By then you should be getting close to freezing point (having your arms already peeking out of the duvet) so you need to throw yourself out of bed, run like a maniac to your stereo and put a very uplifting song on your ghetto blaster.
- Step 5: (optional but with guaranteed extra whooompfff provided for the day): Dance like a maniac to the uplifting tune, something rock-music-like is better because it allows for some invigorating head banging action.
- Step 6: jump into a hot shower which should help to thaw your hands and feet which would be near freezing point by now.


And it is a truth universally acknowledged that once one had one's shower one is properly awake and ready to face the day.


We guarantee the EMAP plan will help you achieve happiness, energy, success, romance and winning the lottery (at some point).


The EMAP committee.

10 comments:

Nicey said...

I find that racking up a line usually sorts me out for the day ahead if I have had a big night !
Laters
Nicey

Evie said...

Hmm, that could be called the NAC plan: Nicey's Action Coke..

Private Beach said...

My absolutely infallible plan for getting up when it's really important is to put the alarm clock where you have to get out of bed to turn the damn thing off.

Lola said...

I'm all over it! Personally recommend:

La Philosophie Batacuda: Georges Moustakis
Noone: Alicia Keys
Downunder: Men at Work
Bob Sinclair: Love Generation
Estelle: American Boy
Les Rita Mitsouka: Marcia Bailia
..... and anything by Stevie Wonder ;-)

Evie said...

Pb - yup, tried it, but still able to do the snooze thing 8 times in a row...
Lola - ahh, interesting choices, I've got about 3 of them on the playlist, will check out the rest :)

Anonymous said...

Lola's Theme - Shapeshifters.....

Anonymous said...

& while I think of it
Wildberry Tracks - Future Funk
Intoxicated - Raw

Joyce said...

The most annoying song in the world is Kid Koala's "Morning People." It's got crowing roosters, a man with one of those annoyingly falsely suave voices used in 80s commercials, and lots of rapid-fire bad mixing and scratching. As it is dedicated to people who don't want to get out of bed, why don't you set your stereo to play that somewhere that's out of reach? You'll get up just to stop the racket.
Of course, a space heater in your room might also work. Warm bathrobe? Fuzzy slippers? There's a limit to how much sympathy this Canadian has for people who feel cold in HK.
My cat now wakes me up promptly at 7. But I doubt you'd want to adopt an animal only for alarm purposes.

Evie said...

Thanks for the soundtrack tips, will give them a go, the wildberries, roosters and everything. For the cat will think about it as a last resort solution (it would need to be one of those pernicious types that scratches you until you get out of bed). Re the cold, it's not so much the temperature, but the relative gloom in winter which makes one want to hibernate and harder to get out of bed..

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