Monday, 2 February 2009

Letter to a friend

I realise the other night was weird. When you and the others left my place I felt I would have wanted you to stay. I have no idea what exactly that meant, what I wanted really, all I knew was that I wanted to continue chatting with you. So on an impulse, I sent you that text, saying it would have been nice if you had stayed. I was aware that had we not drunk all that wine I would not have expressed this.


You immediately replied that you had had the same thought, but that somehow it was late (it was dawn) and you were already home. I am glad you said that, had you come back to mine I probably would have changed my mind at the last minute, and in anycase you were right it was too late. You asked what I was doing the rest of the week end.


So then I panicked, and totally backtracked and said I was too busy the rest of the week end to meet up - I was too freaked out to imagine what wheels I had started to put in motion.
I must have confused you sending these mixed signals, the text first followed by some vigorous backtracking.


We get on like a house on fire, we have long chats about life, love, everything and nothing, and we share a lot of laughs. I've told you things I have not mentioned to my other closest friends out here. I don't know if I like you for just that, for the friendly connection we have. Or if the feelings are more than that. I know that at the end of the day you are looking for something serious, whereas I am incapable of giving my heart to anyone at the moment. I don't even know if you think you may have some feelings for me too. I have no self confidence whatsoever when it comes to these things. Plus I am wondering, am I just needing a presence in my life and not being discerning about who it is?


The situation is thus a bit weird. I wonder if you are going to get in touch soon about it. That text I sent you was me crossing that friendship line first. And I don't have the guts, determination, or clarity to continue walking behind that line. I feel I need a signal from you. But even then, I am not even sure about that. Maybe it's better we stay as we are, crossing the friendship line would be useless and make us lose that friendship for good, what if it is not worth it?


Or perhaps we should go with the flow and see what happens.

11 comments:

fumier said...

Is this a PLO, then?

Evie said...

(Dare I ask?), what is a PLO?

fumier said...

Potential Leg-Over.

Anon Y Mouse said...

thank god for that. I had no idea what that TLA meant and wasn't brave enough to ask.

Evie said...

Fumier - Haha, why am I not suprised.. Well, he did end up getting in touch, so far no progress, I'll tell news if any arise, working on it. But man, he is hot.
Mouse - Yeah I know, was hesitant to ask too..

Lola said...

Hurrah for hot men! Good to see CNY has started with a bit of interest :-))

LES ROIS DU KUNG FU said...

To be continued?

ulaca said...

TLA? What is with all these abbreviations?

Charles said...

Aiya! Am I reading too much into this or does there seem to be some chemistry and connection between you and said text message recipient? Why backtrack? I say go for it. Life is short. Editha taught us that!

Evie said...

Lola - yes maybe the year of the Bull will bring its share of stalions?
Les Rois - Indeed, but don't hold your brreath too much either ok?
Ulaca - was that TMI?
Charles - you are so right. The chemistry is definitely there, am just a chicken. But thinking of the action plan for sure.

Nicey said...

Evie,

I have been there so many times, just go with how ya feel at the time, don't regret anything if it feels right do it, don't think about it to much, don't force it. If its gonna happen it will, enjoy the moment and don't beat yourself up over it.
Basically life ofr living !!!
Laters

Nicey