Restless

I am restless.

Because nothing is happening at work these days. I work in a place that is like many others victim of the global crisis. Yesterday I was feeling like I was coming up with the flu, so I went home at 4. Well, no one noticed, because my phone did not ring, no one needed me, not one colleague tried to reach me. I might as well just have taken December off to go to Goa or somewhere. Of course I feel fortunate I still have a job but still, this sitting waiting around for the markets to pick up is killing me.

Because my friends are not as bored as me so they don't respond to my emails as fast as I can. So I end up sending lots of messages out there and then sitting and waiting for the responses to trickle in painfully slowly over the course of the day.

Because I need to plan a bit what to do for Christmas when my Mother arrives in town, but am too bored to look into it. I should be excited but I hate Christmas and even more planning for it.

Because I need to start to think about what to do for New Year, but am not in a party mood and can't be bothered to organise anything myself.

Because I keep checking my phone and email to see if my life is about to get any more exciting, if any of the boy projects I had lately are yielding anything new. But without fault nothing new or exciting is happening, no one is texting me inviting me for crazy nights out.

Because when I get home where I can check my Facebook or Hotmail accounts I am always full of hope that something new is happening, that some hot cripsy message or gossip arrived earlier in the day and has been waiting for me. But it never happens like that. I only get boring messages from Hotmail staff or people inviting me to turn into zombie vampires or whatever.

Because it's getting dark and cold (relatively, I don't expect much sympathy for moaning about it being 12 degrees Celcius outside but still, it feels cold) and so naturally it makes my mind want to hibernate, get locked up under a warm duvet and read for days on end. Seasonal Affective Disorder is probably kicking in.

Because I am in a bad mood which is super rare, and it makes me impatient and restless and puts me in an even worse mood.